In the Beginning
by The Shang Kraken
Summary: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin find themselves in a cave together. This is how Hogwarts was born. Written for the Final Prophecy Library's "Heads of the Founders" contest.


**Disclaimer: The lovely characters of Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin belong to the all-powerful J.K. Rowling who rules over the fanfiction realms with a scepter made of legal paperwork. The previously mentioned deity also owns the vastly blown out of proportion character traits of the characters. I, the writer, do not wish to be sued and therefore do not claim ownership of anything except for parts of the plot and one of the pitchforks, which is sitting in my backyard.**

When fleeing from a mob of angry, magic-fearing, medieval peasants wielding pitchforks, most ordinary men would be content to find a sheltered cave in which to take refuge. Godric Gryffindor, however, was not an ordinary man.

"I shan't stand for this!" he roared as he raised his prized sword toward the ceiling of the cave. "This is cowardly! My masculine nature is withering!"

His three companions, one man and two women, glared at him from their respective corners of the cave. None of them were particularly fond of Gryffindor and his endless need for heroics.

"For Merlin's sake, Godric," a lady by the name of Rowena Ravenclaw chastised him. "My silencing charms may be excellent, but they shan't hold forever if you keep bellowing like a hippogriff."

Gryffindor rolled his eyes at the woman. "You're but a fair damsel—I suppose you wouldn't understand that hiding from mere muggles is a disgrace to my noble name!" he retorted.

"But why must we hide?" protested the other woman, a maiden called Helga Hufflepuff. "I'm sure that if we were to provide explanation of our powers to the people, they would be most accepting—"

"Don't be foolish, Lady Hufflepuff," the second man, Salazar Slytherin, cut her off. "Those muggles are little more than animals, even simpler creatures than house elves. Why should we try to be friends with them? If anything, we shall be their conquerors!"

"Haven't we been over this?" sighed Rowena. "If you had read the texts of the ancient Mesopotamian wizards that I bestowed upon you, Slytherin, you would have realized that slavery—"

"I don't speak their foreign tongue," Salazar snapped. "Gryffindor, my dear friend, please help me make this lady see reason."

"This is what we get for educating women," Gryffindor sniffed. "My sweet lady, do not trouble yourself with thoughts of war. Let us gentlemen decide the fate of wizarding society."

"_What_ society?" complained Ravenclaw. "We're constantly on the run, the four of us. I haven't been to a proper wizarding ball in, in…"

"Four months," supplied Slytherin. "I was your escort in case you had forgotten."

"I had been trying to forget, thank you," Ravenclaw shot back. "The nerve you had—bringing me _white_ wine when I was eating _lamb_! I've never been so embarrassed in all my life!"

"Ridiculous!" Salazar objected. "What of that time where you and Gryffindor here were having a lovely promenade by the Black Lake and you were dragged in by that sea monster."

"Why the nerve of you, bringing up that horrid incident!" shrieked Ravenclaw. "I thought you were a gentleman! You said you believed in chivalry!"

Hufflepuff had been sitting quietly in her corner, preferring to simply observe the battle instead of taking part herself. Ravenclaw, however, had been her closest companion since girlhood and so she felt the need to bail the poor lady out of the argument she hadn't a chance of winning. But how?

"I'm not certain, Slytherin," Gryffindor was saying. "I do feel that having the improper wine was more grave an error for Lady Ravenclaw."

That was it! Wine could solve all the problems of her friends, at least until the angry peasants abandoned their hunt. Hufflepuff dug through her traveling bag until she found what she was looking for—a small flask of her late uncle Bardo's strongest wine, which she kept on hand for _medicinal_ purposes.

With a flick of her wand, Hufflepuff produced a plethora of bottles of the liquor before exclaiming, "Oh! Look what I've found, my dear friends! Let us forget our troubles for a moment as we rejoice in the fact that it is not we who are burning at the stake today!"

"Ah, Lady Hufflepuff!" Gryffindor remarked, trying to hide his impatience with the girl. "I had forgotten that we should find delight in escaping those peasants, should we not? Let us drink indeed before we resume our friendly banter!"

With this announcement Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin took wine bottles and began to gulp healthy measures of the liquid. Hufflepuff raised her bottle to her mouth, but did not drink. After all, once her friends were utterly drunk, they would be needing her to babysit.

"Merlin!" Slytherin exclaimed having swallowed the contents of the bottle first. "This brew is excellent, my dear lady! I do think I shall have another bottle!"

"By all means, do share in the happiness," Hufflepuff assured him as she handed him another bottle.

Half a dozen bottles later, three of the cave's inhabitants were severely inebriated.

"We work grrrrrrrrreat together, don't we Godric?" slurred Slytherin as he swung an arm around his drinking buddy's shoulder.

"We are just so, so, so, so smart," Gryffindor replied as he attempted to stand and promptly tumbled back to the ground.

"Nobody knows how smart we are," whined Ravenclaw. "We should, we should, uh, do something to show them. Yeah! Show them!"

"Smart people?" wondered Slytherin as he looked around cross-eyed. "The only smart people I know were, um, back in school or something."

"I have a splendid idea," announced Gryffindor suddenly as he once more tried to stand. "We should, uh, wait a minute… We should, uh, make a school and make more smart people! Yeah!"

There was silence for a minute and then Slytherin spoke up, "Hey, Godric! I've got an idea—we should, um, start a school and teach people and make then smart!"

"That's a great idea!" Gryffindor giggled happily. "You're so smart, Sally!"

Hufflepuff stifled a laugh at Slytherin's new nickname. This was priceless blackmail.

"Sally?" asked Slytherin dumbly. "Who you calling Sally?"

"You, silly!" laughed Ravenclaw. "Silly Sally! Sil—Wait! No! Sally Silly! Sally Silly!"

In a surprisingly deft movement, Slytherin grabbed his wand from his pocket and sent a stunner at the drunken woman. Being drunk, his aim was several feet off, but the stunner still managed to hit an unsuspecting Hufflepuff, who immediately slumped over in the corner.

"So what were we saying?" Slytherin wondered, oblivious to the fact that he had missed his target completely.

"School! School! School!" Gryffindor sang happily. "We're going to make a school!"

"I want to, to, to be in charge!" Ravenclaw shouted wildly.

"But I'm smarter!" protested Gryffindor. "And I'm more hand-handsome!"

"No, me!" snarled Slytherin.

"We should take a vote!" Ravenclaw suggested eagerly.

"Alrighty!" Slytherin agreed. "We all know I'll win anyway."

Three votes were cast and predictably, each of the three candidates voted for himself.

"Now what?" whined Gryffindor. "We tied!"

"I demand a recount!" hollered Slytherin.

The votes were cast once more. The results obviously did not change.

"Wait a minute!" yelled Gryffindor. "I know what this means because I'm smart and all—we should all be in charge!"

"'The Three Founders!"' Slytherin toasted as he raised a nearly empty bottle.

"But that doesn't sound good," Ravenclaw slurred. "If we find another person we'll be the Four Founders! That sounds better because there's one, uh, two—two F's!"

"Why don't we invite that lady in the corner to teach?" suggested Gryffindor. "What was her name again? Helena? Hester?"

"How do we know if she's smart?" wondered Ravenclaw.

"She must be smart because she gave us all this good stuff to drink," mused Slytherin. "I think we should take her with us."

Gryffindor grubbed around on the floor until he produced another wine bottle. Raising it toward his companions he proclaimed in a drunken stupor, "To the Four Founders—may our school turn out lots and lots of smart people."


End file.
